The Comeback Kid

Do you ever feel like anxiety holds you captive? Like it’s a masked crusader leading you blindly? The only thing that can be seen or heard is the pulsing of your own scared heart.

I do.

In fact, this is something I continue to battle. It seems every step I take, I am restricted by an invisible cord that jerks me back.

Lately, I have gotten an incredible opportunity for a new job. A new start. A new everything.

Yet, my fears swallow me where I stand.

And maybe that shouldn’t surprise me… I have been pretty beat down by my job. My boss is, hmm how do I put this nicely, a total douche knot. And I mean if there was a contest for d-bags he would not only win, but somehow convince all the other d-bags he was their natural born leader.

He has made the idea of leaving a job I worked so hard to be recognized in pretty simple. The anxiety really stems from two points: new people and feeling like a fraud.

I am many things, but a numbers whiz is probably the last thing anyone would use to describe me. And I mean anyone.

If you met me on the street and asked me a simple numbers question you would be amazed at how wrong my answer would be. Heck, put me on the spot and I might even get 2+2 wrong.

So knowing that my new job hired me for my so-called ‘numbers and analysis skills’ haunts my every waking moment.

I’ve been taken by anxiety and am desperate to escape.

I thought maybe writing this post might magically pull some wisdom out of my ass. But my ass is still very much not pulled from and the anxiety is still very much coursing through me. (Sigh)

I guess I will continue to battle the enemy. Just disappointed that my enemy is my own self…